The fight of nursing, but I won!

I had attempted to breast feed my first baby, but was not successful. I thought I was the worst mother in the world. How could I not do something so simple. Our bodies were made for this, why is it so hard? It was suppose to be the best thing for my baby and would make me closer to her. When all it did was make me dread feeding her and resent her for makeing me feel like a failure. I was sore and exhausted. It seemed I couldn't feed her enough. She was crying and I was crying. The other dilemma I was facing was nursing in public. It was akward enough in my own home, but babies don't care where they are when they are hungry. They want it and they want it now. This was not how I pictured it to go. After talking to my doctor, I decided to quit. I actually became a little bitter about nursing. There was so much pressure to nurse your baby and I didn't know how to handle people asking me about why I wasn't nursing.

I had two more babies after my first. I decided long before they were born that I would not even attempt to nurse, because all it did was add more stress to an already stressful event in my life. Besides, nursing ruins your beautiful breasts. I don't know what I was worried about. I was a size 32AA. Even those bras didn't fit. I would have worn a training bra, but they didn't make them with padding in them. Needless to say I was happier not trying to nurse with them.

Eleven years later I had another baby. I decided to try to nurse my baby this time. I was very young when I had my other babies, I think this played a big roll in not being a successful nurser. I was determined to make this work. They brought her to me in the hospital after she was born. I had read all the books I could on nursing, but they somehow did not prepare me for what to do. The nurse had to try to help me. It was pretty embarrassing, however I tried not to think about that. I knew I needed help. She had me take my top off, because she said the baby would be more apt to nurse if she was against my skin. She propped pillows up around me to help lay the baby on. My baby did not want to cooperate. It was difficult for her to latch on. I have had breast augmentation and was told my nipples were small by a doctor. I think this might have played a part in her difficulties. That and she was just too tired and kept falling asleep. The nurse assured me that it would not always be this way. She said it wouldn't take the baby long to get the hang of it and then things would be great.

The next day it was the same. She still would not nurse. Some of the nurses were scaring me. They said that if she did not start to nurse soon they would have to feed her a bottle. They also told me that they would not let her leave the hospital if I couldn't get her to nurse. I finally stood up to them and said, "Listen, it's not like I would let my baby starve to death. If she just refuses to eat, I am not against feeding her a bottle." I finally had a great nurse come in, who had me use a pump to make sure that the baby would be able to get milk if she were to nurse. She was concerned that maybe the baby was not getting any milk because of my augmentation. We soon found that everything was working perfectly. I expressed my frustrations with the nurses and their comments to her. She told me not to worry, because babies do not need to eat when they are first born, because their bodies are trying to flush everything out of their bodies. She let me know that when my baby got hungry, she would eat. And guess what, she did!

I was sore for probably a couple of months after that, but after that, it was a great experience. The soreness usually only last for about a month. I am not sure whether mine was longer, because of my small nipples or because of my breast augmentation. I do know that she had a hard time latching on and made a sucking noise every time I nursed her. That went away after about 4 months. Believe it or not, your nipples do get larger. The best thing I found to do is use lanolin. You just put it on your nipple after nursing. You can find tubes of it in the baby department of Walmart, Kmart, Shopko, etc. I have also seen it in the pharmacy area of stores. Make sure it is a pure kind.This is something your baby will be sucking on. It is not necessary to clean it off before you begin to nurse. That's what makes it nice. When your sore, the last thing you want to do is try to clean off your nipple with something. Another thing I tried was to express a little milk and rub it on your nipple after feeding your baby, then let it dry.

I really had no idea what size or kind of bra to get before I had my baby, so I waited until she was born. Then I went to Motherhood and tried on bras. They actually have some really pretty ones. Make sure the clasp is one that you can undo easily. One problem I found is that some of them do not pull down very good. This cause a big mess and the baby has a hard time nursing. They have a great night time bra for sleeping in. That was the greatest invention ever. You have to get one. They are only about $10.00.

I would definitely consider myself a successful nurser. I was able to nurse my baby until she turned one years old. I maybe would have nursed her longer, but once she started to get teeth, it was not as great of an experience. I am so glad she was not a baby that got her teeth younger. I enjoyed nursing so much. I don't know if my baby felt closer to me, but I sure felt closer to her. It's an amazing thing. I am sad for those who are not able to nurse, but want to. I would definitely do it again if I had another baby.

Angela Martinez